Why Complaining Attracts More Negativity (and How to Stop It)
Aug 18, 2025
“Ugh, back to the grind tomorrow.”
How many times have you said something like that — without even thinking about it? It’s Sunday, you see a neighbor, and out pops that phrase. You don’t really mean it (after all, your life is not a grindstone and you’re not a coffee bean), but it’s such a default habit that you say it anyway.
The problem? What we say and repeat shapes how we feel — and how we experience the world.
Complaining: The Habit We Don’t Even Notice
We live in a culture where complaining is practically a pastime. Think about sitcoms: the sarcasm, the cynicism, the quick one-liners. Funny? Sure. Helpful for your mental well-being? Not so much.
Complaining becomes a pattern, a soundtrack playing in the background of our lives. And when we complain, we do two things:
- We focus our attention on what we don’t like.
- We reinforce negativity in our brain, which literally wires us to look for more things to complain about.
The result? A life that feels heavier, harder, and a lot less joyful than it needs to be.
Why This Actually Matters
Complaining isn’t harmless venting — it has real effects. Studies show that complaining actually raises cortisol levels (the stress hormone), making us feel worse physically and emotionally.
And here’s the kicker: according to the Law of Attraction, “that which is like unto itself is drawn.” In other words, what we focus on grows. Spend all day griping about your job, your commute, or “people these days,” and guess what? You’ll notice more and more reasons to gripe.
It’s like walking around with “negativity-colored glasses.”
A Better Way: The Power in a Pause
The truth is — it’s not about never expressing frustration. Life isn’t perfect. But if we want more peace, clarity, and joy, we need to interrupt the complaining cycle and retrain our brain to notice the good.
The best way to do that? The Power in a Pause.
How the Brain Works (and Why You Can Change It)
The brain loves patterns. When we repeat a complaint — “I hate my job,” “This weather stinks,” “People are the worst” — the brain wires to expect negativity, scanning the environment for proof. This is called neuroplasticity at work.
But here’s the good news: we can rewire it. By pausing, observing, and intentionally choosing a different response, we begin to form new patterns.
This is where my favorite mindfulness acronym comes in: S.T.O.P.
Practical Tool: The S.T.O.P. Method
- Stop – Catch yourself in the act. Notice when a complaint is about to roll off your tongue.
- Take a Breath – Or three. Breathing grounds you, lowers stress, and creates space between the thought and your response.
- Observe – Ask: What am I really feeling right now? Do I want to reinforce this?
- Proceed with Intention – Choose something more neutral or even positive. Replace “back to the grind” with:
- “I’m looking forward to our collaboration meeting with the team.”
- “It’ll be great seeing Jess back at work.”
- “I’m excited for my morning walk.”
And instead of, “Traffic was awful,” try: “I’m glad I made it home safely.”
A Real-Life Shift: Cara’s Story
Take Cara, for example. She came to me wanting to shift her mindset from stuck in negativity to living with more presence and joy. At first, she didn’t even notice how much her daily conversations leaned toward complaints — they were simply habits. But once she started applying tools like S.T.O.P., things shifted.
Cara’s words:
"I cannot say enough positive things about Nancy and how monumental her program has been for me! I came to Nancy to better understand how to change my mindset to creating a more positive outlook on life and the ability to live fully in the present. My journey with Nancy has helped me to understand how to be true to myself, manage thought patterns and how to live life to the fullest even through adversity. Making the decision to reach out to Nancy and follow through with her program has been one the best decisions I have ever made for myself. Her mentorship, guidance and compassion have allowed me to see the world in a different light. I look forward to continuing to work with her and highly recommend her to individuals who want to better themselves and their lives by creating positive change in the world :)"
Why I Do This Work
Through my Pathway to Inner Peace – Featuring the 4R Method™, I help professionals break free from patterns like complaining by weaving together:
- Neuroscience and neuroplasticity – retraining your brain to notice what’s good.
- Energy work and Reiki – supporting your body and mind as you shift into a higher, more expansive state.
- Mindfulness and practical tools – like S.T.O.P., gratitude practices, and intentional language.
The 4R Method™ helps you recognize when you’re in a contracted emotional state (complaining, criticizing, cynicism) and rewire toward expansive states (gratitude, appreciation, joy).
Your choice. Your power.
Let’s Take This Further
We can design the right program for you — let’s get the ball rolling!
📅 Schedule your call today: https://calendly.com/awakenwithlight/call
And exciting news: I’m diligently working on my first e-course for the Pathway to Inner Peace – Featuring the 4R Method™, plus a brand-new app launching this fall.
Here’s something I’d love your input on: I’m considering hosting a live 30-minute “Energy Activation Session” twice a month. We’ll begin with an area of focus and reflection, followed by a 20-minute guided meditation designed to shift energy and open space for clarity.
Because let’s be honest, we could ALL use more positive collective energy to lift us up!
👉 If this is something you’d be interested in, send me a thumbs up. Your support means the world to me, and I’m super hyped about bringing this to you!
Closing Encouragement
You always have a choice:
You can choose to focus on what’s wrong, or you can choose to celebrate what’s right.
Even the smallest joys — a delicious breakfast, a good laugh, a kind word — can ripple into a life that feels lighter, brighter, and more aligned with what you actually want.
Start small. Stay consistent. And watch how quickly life begins to shift.
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